Togetherness

Do you remember when you were growing up? Summers were my favorite time of the year because it meant a few things: school was out, little league baseball had begun, and there were unlimited hours to play. Just because school was out did not mean that my social interactions decreased. It was my classmates who were on the same baseball team as me. Many of whom I got together with at other times throughout the summer to play some type of sport. In the small town I grew up in, hanging out with others was what you did.

In the past 20 years, social isolation has rapidly increased. All it takes is for you to look at the country’s church membership percentage (<%50) to realize that more and more people are spending time alone. Derek Thompson, a writer for The Atlantic, recently wrote an article titled “Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out”. Thompson shares a few eye-opening statistics. “From 2003 to 2022, American men reduced their average hours of face-to-face socializing by about 30 percent. For unmarried Americans, the decline was even bigger—more than 35 percent. For teenagers, it was more than 45 percent. Boys and girls ages 15 to 19 reduced their weekly social hangouts by more than three hours a week.”[1] If those numbers seem shocking to you, you are not alone. I had known about the social decline in recent years within the teenage community, but I was not expecting to find out that adults are going through the same decline.

The decline in social connection among Americans is so alarming that Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, the Surgeon General of the United States, recently declared loneliness and isolation an epidemic. In his 82-page report, Dr. Murthy shares this stat: “In recent years, about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness.” If that statistic were not alarming enough, the Surgeon General shares what the mortality impact of being socially disconnected is. “The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day”, Dr. Murthy shared, “and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.”[2]

Not only has isolation and loneliness led to physical health complications, but it has also led to many mental health problems. As fewer and fewer people spend time with other humans, anxiety, hopelessness, depression, and suicidal thinking have soared. Social isolation is a serious problem – for teenagers and adults.

What does this mean for Christians in 2024?

We desperately need each other.  We need other Christians to be around.

In Genesis 2, Adam is in the garden alone with all of God’s creation around him. The Lord made every wild animal, livestock and all the birds in the sky go to Adam to be named. Whatever Adam called the animal, that was its name. At the end of verse 20, we read this:

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found.” [3]

It is as if when all the animals and birds came to Adam to be named, God was looking for someone to help Adam. Yet, nothing was found, so God created a helper – a woman. He brought her to the man, and they began their life together. From the very beginning, it is clear that humans were not made to be alone. This was not a choice made by Adam, but by God. God saw that it was not good for the man (Adam) to be alone, so he created the woman (Eve). This was God’s design for you and me.

Fast forward thousands of years. The Messiah had come to the Earth and had ascended into heaven. The church had been established and was growing rapidly. An anonymous letter was written to Christians – the book of Hebrews. In chapter 10, the author has a lot to say about the relationship we have with other Christians.  

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”[4]

The author encourages his Christian audience to not give up being together; for it is when you are together that love, good deeds, and encouragement take place. God created us to have social connections with other human beings. The church, made up of other brothers and sisters in Christ, is where God wants you to find other humans to do life with. Christians need each other. A good way to put this into practice is in our own families.

Far too often, communal dinner times, which used to be a regular family occurrence, have been replaced with individual dinners accompanied by screens. Conversations that took place on long drives have been replaced by headphones. Watching a movie or a TV show in the living room together has been replaced by a personal television in each bedroom. In many ways, we have brought the epidemic of loneliness and isolation upon ourselves. Activities that once brought the family together have now forced families into isolation. The ugly truth is that you can spend a lot of time in the same room or vehicle as your family and still be alone.

In our families:

1.    Make a habit out of phone-free family times and activities.

2.    Encourage children to play/spend time with friends.

3.    Prioritize open and honest communication.

In our churches:

1.    Let our conversations be genuine.

2.    Seek to reach those who may be marginalized.

3.    Develop more communal worship and service times.

Studies will likely continue to show a decline in social connection and an increase in loneliness in the years to come, but that doesn't have to be the case for our families and churches. God designed us to be in relationships with other human beings, so let's do our part to make that happen

[1] Derek Thompson. “Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out”, The Atlantic, 02, 2024, https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/02/america-decline-hanging-out/677451/

[2] United States. Public Health Service. Office of the Surgeon General. 2023. Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. [Washington, D.C.], U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.

[3] NIV Bible. 2011. Grand Rapids, Mi: Zondervan Pub. House.

[4] NIV Bible. 2011. Grand Rapids, Mi: Zondervan Pub. House.